When your child thinks, “I don’t want to go anywhere.”
Many children who wet the bed show less interest in spending lots of time with others, especially if they are teased or are trying to prevent others from learning about their bedwetting.
A lack of interest in what is happening can be a big problem of bedwetting. Children can become unenthusiastic, depressed, listless, and apathetic, leading to lack of activity and increasing depression.
You can try enticing your child’s interest in new things by encouraging him or her to take part in new activities that seem appealing. Offer support for activities that your child has done in the past that he or she has excelled in, and offer some part of an activity as a treat. For example, if your child has always liked baseball, buy him or her a new glove or a baseball card to revive interest. If nothing seems to work and apathy lasts longer than a week or so, take your child to a doctor to make sure that no physical problem or serious emotional trauma are causing the disinterestedness.
When your child thinks, “I feel insecure.”
No child will simply come right out and say it that way, but there are many signs that a child is feeling that way on some level. Children who feel this way will often try to be loud to garner more attention or will be quieter and try to attract as little attention as possible. Children may bully others or attract bullies as a target. They may cling to the home, fearful of venturing anywhere else. They may become quite clingy and demanding in all sorts of ways.
Insecurity is a bigger problem than many think. It can lead to experimentation with drugs in older children who want to “fit in” and it can lead to a host of destructive behaviors, even in younger children. It can prevent children from trying new things and hold them back from excelling. It can also lead to image problems and feelings of unhappiness or even depression.
Building self-esteem in children is a long road, but it can be done. Start by praising your child for the things that he or she does right. Also encourage your child to take part in activities or try things outside the home. Often, when a child accomplishes something “all by themselves” the pride of the success will outweigh all the positive praise possible, as it creates a real feeling of accomplishment.
When your child thinks, “What will others think?”
Children often worry most about other people’s reactions rather than about actual bedwetting. Put another way, if there was no one else around, bedwetting would be far less stressful for a child as there would be no one else to know about the problem. Many children imagine what others would say, and the imagination is always worse than the reality. Or, your child may have had one or two experiences of being teased for the problem and now is fearful that others will react in a like way.
Either way, worrying what others will think makes a much bigger problem out of bedwetting. Such anxiety also puts lots of stress on a child, often unnecessarily. You can help your child overcome this problem by discussing with your child possible reactions people might have to the bedwetting and discussing what could be said in response.
If someone accuses him or her of being a baby, for example, you child can point out that lots of older kids wet the bed or tell the teaser that bedwetting is not about being a baby, but rather a condition. Be sure to discuss possible nice or sensitive things people could say, too, so that your child is not just imagining the worst.
If your child is hesitant about other people’s reaction because he or she has already had a negative experience, you will have to work a bit harder. Talk to your child about the incident, and consider why someone would have a bad reaction (Could they have been ignorant about bedwetting? Could they have been having a bad day and just taken it out in that way? Could they just be mean-spirited, saying something unpleasant about anyone, whether they wet the bed or not?).With your child, discuss what the child would do or say in the same situation. Then, talk about any positive experiences the child has had with people learning about his or her bedwetting and discuss possibly kind things that people could say once they find out.
This sort of role playing is very effective in having your child feel in control of situations where people learn about the bedwetting. Often, the most frightening thing about someone’s reaction to us is that we cannot control the reaction. Imagining what to say gives your child some of that control. Also, imagining or remembering positive reactions will take your child out of the mind frame that all reactions will be bad.
