More Bedwetting Tips

When your child thinks, “I feel like a baby.”
For children, acting “grown up” is important, partly because children look up to adults so much and often want the power and control they think that adults have. For a child who wets the bed, though, there is a sense of the opposite feelings – lack of control, and lack of power. Children who wet the bed may feel powerless.

Many children may worry that they are acting “babyish,” especially since this is one of the first accusations leveled against bed wetters on the playground. For an adult, being called a “baby” may not be a big problem, but it can feel like a devastating problem to a child, especially a younger one who may see being a “baby” as being left behind while others in the same age group “grow up.”

To offset these feelings, make sure that your child understands that children of all ages – even children who are older – wet the bed. It is truly not a problem of age, but a problem of bladder control, and it can affect people of all ages. While children do eventually “outgrow” the problem in many cases, many children your child would consider “grown up” still face the same problem.

When your child thinks, “I hate having a big secret.”
Most children try to keep bedwetting a big secret, as they are fearful that others will find out. However, having a large secret can affect the way your child’s relationships and can leave him or her feeling lonely. Having a large secret is isolating, to say the least.

Plus, your child has all the stress of knowing that the secret may be exposed. The older a child is, typically the more effort will go into keeping bedwetting a secret. Among the things that children will do to keep bedwetting a secret are:

  • Avoiding sleep overs, camping trips, and other events for fear of being “found out.”
  • Avoiding bringing home other children, out of fear that someone in the home will “tell.”
  • Adopting an “I don’t care” attitude or acting aloof in order to avoid getting close to others.
  • Avoiding making friends.
  • Staying up all night on camping trips or during sleep overs in order to prevent accidents.
  • Teenagers may avoid dating.
  • All children may avoid attention or notice by refusing to try to excel at school or activities.
  • Acting in a “tough” or self-destructive way so that no one will guess the “truth.”

Your child may put themselves through a lot to prevent others from finding out that they wet the bed. This can create a lot of tension in the home and also ensures that your child will not make close friends.

Worse, your child may give up fun trips or exciting events just out of fear of accidents. This is limiting. You certainly don’t want your child to grow up fearfully or in great tension.

Generally, whether your child chooses to tell others about their bedwetting or not is up to them. You should never tell someone else about your child’s bedwetting – the child should be able to decide who to trust and who not to trust.

Telling anyone – even a well-meaning teacher or relative – without the child’s consent is a recipe for disaster, especially if your child is keeping the problem a secret. Your child may simply cease to trust you and will likely feel more fearful as well as resentful.

However, you can help your child open up to others by showing your own acceptance of the problem. If you treat the problem matter-of-factly and with sensitivity, your child may start to trust that others will, too.

Plus, you should encourage your child to spend time with others as much as possible. Discuss things such as camping trips or other events ahead of time and discuss with your child how he or she could handle bedwetting or the possibility of accidents in such a situation.

In a way, your child may be relieved when his or her secret is finally revealed. However, it can also be a very traumatic time, especially if the “truth” is met with teasing or disapproval.
You may want to speak to your child about what he or she would feel like if someone did find out. Discuss the responses that your child expects from others and then suggest more gentle responses that may be possible, too. Talk with your child about things that he or she could say to negative or insensitive comments.

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