More Bedwetting Tips

When your child thinks, “I’m angry.”
This is often a case of “why did this have to happen to me?” Children may feel that it is unfair that they have a problem with wetting the bed when others seem to have no problems sleeping a dry night. Some children may also be angry that other tease them about it. Anger often takes many forms, for withdrawal, to outbursts to violent flare-ups of anger with other children.

Getting your child to cool down is a top priority. Always have your child calm down quietly by himself or herself after a display of temper or defiance. Then, give your child a chance to tell their side of the story.

Of course, as a parent, you know that there are no answers as to why some things happen to some children and not to others. Explain that it is unfair that not everyone develops at the same time. Explain to your child some of the reasons behind bedwetting and sympathize with their anger.

Then, talk about what should be done when they feel anger. Discuss why anger happens and what can be done about it. If your child feels anger at home, you can try to encourage him or her to sit quietly, breathe deeply, and wait for the feeling to go away.

If your child is angry about being teased, try getting your child to act out what it said to him or her and have your child act out what he or she might say the next time something happens that is similar. You should not give your child excuses for expressing anger or violence, but you need to help your child deal with the feelings in a non-destructive way.

When your child thinks, “I’m being teased.”
Many children are teased at school for bedwetting. While adults know that most children will be teased for something at some point, and pay the problem no mind, teasing can be devastating to a child. Cruel nicknames such as “baby diapers” or worse can stick to a child and bring on the feelings of shame, anger, embarrassment, and worthlessness mentioned above, and this can be quite serious.

Have grown-ups talk to your child about what they were teased as a child (all the better if they were teased about bedwetting, too) and have them tell your child how the problem eventually got better.

Also, you may want to suggest to your child some things he or she can say when he or she is being teased. The best way to do this (especially with younger children) is to play make-believe. Have your child pretend to be the teaser, and pretend to be the child.

Have your child tell you where you are and have your child tease “you.” Make the remarks you think are appropriate, suggest many things that the child could say. Then, switch roles. This game has several advantages:

  • It makes the child feel in control, rather than helpless (which is the feeling teasing often creates)
  • It allows the child to laugh at teasing
  • It gives the child some idea of what can be said or done to teasers
  • It builds the child’s confidence
  • It gives you a chance to evaluate the level and type of teasing your child experiences
  • It opens communication with your child. Since the child feels free to tell you what is happening through “play acting” he or she may be willing to tell you what is happening in more detail, which can help you in deciding what to do about the teasing.

When your child thinks, “I’m being bullied.”
One thing that you need to watch out for in terms of teasing is bullying. Bullying is teasing that has taken a more aggressive turn. In many cases, it escalates with time and can include actual physical violence. Some children have even died at the hands of bullies who have targeted them.

Sometimes, it can be hard to tell when teasing has taken the turn to bullying, but in general if your child seems traumatized by the teasing he or she is getting at school, you should treat the teasing as bullying.

Also, if there is any physical aggression or any threats then the situation is certainly bullying. Bullying is a crime in many locations and needs to be brought to the attention of parents, school authorities, and possibly authorities as well. Bullying needs to be taken seriously at once, as it can very quickly get completely out of hand.

Of course, adults know that bullying and teasing are not caused by bedwetting – child bullies will target any child who seems unsure of themselves and any child who displays signs of being “different.” However, bedwetting can be a sign of difference and can affect a child’s self-esteem to the point where they do make a target for other children.

In some cases, therapy or visits to a counselor can help your child get the social skills needed to deal with teasing. In other cases, more help is needed, especially if bullying is an issue.

In many cases, trying to deal with the bully’s parents has little effect, as not all parents can control what their children do outside the house. Moving away is also not always effective, as teasing may simply continue at the new location.

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